Finding the Right Road

I typically don't do more then one posting per day but since I missed a couple days this weekend, I thought I would write another post. I kind of feel like Doogie Houser right now....minus the super small computer screen with green font and the voice-over.

I was downloading songs to my nano and the song Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts came on from one of my play lists. If you have never heard this song it portrays the idea that it is your past relationships and the things you had to go through in those relationships that helped to lead you to the person you are supposed to be with... and lately every time I hear this song I think...ok I have traveled down a real bumpy road filled with too many pot-holes when do I get to finally find the right road. I do believe that some day I will and that the right broken road will finally lead me to the perfect man who will treat me like I should be treated. And when I say perfect man, I mean the perfect man for me.

I still struggle with having been engaged and going from planning a wedding to watching Bill move his stuff out of my house. I can still replay the day I found out that he cheated on me and that he didn't love me like he thought he did. That isn't how it is supposed to work out....how could he cheat on me four months after asking me to marry him...I don't understand and know I never will. I never pictured or thought my memory of getting engaged would end like it did. I imagined that it would be incredible and that I would tell my children about the time their father proposed to me...and I hate that I wasted that one special moment with a person that is so undeserving of me. I hate that I have been proposed to already in my life...the amazing moment...that instant where the world seems to stop....the excitement, the pure and utter happiness I felt....why did it have to end up being all for nothing and a lie

Dont get me wrong I dont wish I was back with him, I am thankful I figured him out and I know Bill was not the one for me....I know I would have never been truly happy nor would I have lived the life I was born to live if we would have gotten married...(not to mention our marriage would have probably ended in divorce since Bill doesn't seem to ever be happy enough with one woman. )

I guess I just hate being that person, that friend who was engaged but didnt end up getting married. I think sometimes I wonder why that had to happen to me...why did I to be the exception to all of my wonderful friends who have already found the love of their lives...

I suppose I have to look at the ending of my relationship with Bill as a saving grace, that a higher being was watching out for me so that I didnt make a momentous mistake. Regardless, Ill be honest, it still hurts a little....and finding that right broken road couldnt come fast enough.

I know that the right man is out there for me...and when I do get to that point where I have found him and when I am proposed to again, I know it will be amazing and it will erase all memory of the first time. It is just difficult to imagine that moment.

Here's to finding that broken road that leads me down the right path.

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." -Thoreau