Ironic

It is quite ironic that I received the quote that I did today. Let me back up to explain, I get a new quote emailed to me each day and more times then not I get a meaningful quote that is worth saving.

Well today I got a quote that honestly fits my current state of mind perfectly. It is almost eerie how perfect this quote is. The quote is as follows: "When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves. " — Victor E. Frankl

I have realized that even though I wish I was able to change a current situation with a person in my life right now there is no way on god's green earth that I can do so at this time. (Note: to clarify this person I am eluding to is not Bill...very much over him, thank you very much)

Everything happens for a reason, yes I have heard this so many times in the last year that it is ingrained permanently into my brain. But what frustrates me (and this goes back to the one door closes, another opens idea) is the time it takes to fully understand why a situation didn't work out as I thought it should.

But you know what...as wonderful and great as I think he is...I find myself having no option but to give in on trying to change the situation. Just because I think there is an obvious and amazing connection between the two of us...doesn't mean he sees or maybe even feels it himself (I don't know how he couldn't). I am just removing myself from it so that I no longer get upset about not being able to change the situation or better yet even understand the situation.

Its truly a never ending circle and I am done running that route. So this is me challenging myself to change and no longer will I put forth effort and energy into a person who I have come to realize has not a clue about what he wants. And that is hard for me to understand as I do know what I want. Currently I have no clue how I am supposed to fit into his world so changing myself and not the situation is the only answer. Due to lack of information, I have no choice but to assume friendship is the only option right now. So be it... If friendship is all that is possible then that is what it will be. I can never say I wasn't open and completely honest with him. And not to be pompous, but really it is definitely his loss. Hoping he will figure out what he wants at some point....only time will tell. (And by the way I hate time and unfortunately I am not the most patient person in the world)

Due to my very unpleasant mood right now for various reasons I feel like treating myself. In fact I have not had lunch yet so instead of eating a Lean Cuisine like I should, I am going to go eat something that has pretty much no nutritional value and is high in calories.

I am going to the dreaded McDonald's and I'm going because it will make me feel better, if only for a short time. I am sure I will regret eating the greasy and unhealthy but delicious food later on today, but right now I don't care. If I hadn't shared this before I am an Emotional Eater...some people smoke, some people drink, some people shop (well I do that too sometimes) but not me...I eat when I am emotional. (which explains the recent weight gain over the past year. oh yeah...thanks Bill, that I am now working my ass off to get rid of). Actually I wish I worked out when I was emotional, that may be another change I will be making....OK I digress.

Sorry for the mid-afternoon ranting and raving....I feel a little better now. Thanks for listening.

Finding That Next Door...

The present is a gift and this I know for sure.

As cliche as it might sound to some, I have really come to appreciate the meaning of living for today and understanding that tomorrow is promised to no one. More importantly you never know when those most important to you, will be gone. Worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month does nothing but rob you of the good things happening to you right now. Yes all seems so simple to understand but not as easy to do.

Now I speak these thoughts as a worrier and a dweller myself. I worry about things that may never happen, things I cant control and I also find myself dwelling on situations that I can do nothing to change. Yet when I take a step back and think about what it is I am worrying or dwelling upon, I realize how much energy I am wasting on things I will never be able to control.

I have without a doubt fallen victim to glaring longingly at a closed "door" for too long...hoping and praying that what was behind that door would come back, eagerly knocking to be a part of my life again. Relationships, jobs, friends, family and opportunities have come and gone without asking me for permission. Often I am puzzled and confused by it all because it is difficult to comprehend why a particular door in my life had slammed shut, causing an abrupt and normally unwanted end to a chapter in my life.

What I never see at the time, is that because that particular door closed, without my blessing, another unforeseen and unblemished door opened right up. So as hard as it may be sometimes, I know that the best thing for me, or anyone else for that matter, is to move forward and find that next wonderful, exciting, unfamiliar and untainted door. No matter what doors I have traveled through so far in my life, I know that with each one that closed, I was able to learn a little more about myself.

With that said, I think it is time to find that next exciting door and to see what today holds for me...no more worrying or dwelling.

"When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
-Alexander Graham Bell

My Magnificant Mom

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." --Washington Irving

Wonderful Wedding Weekend

This past weekend I went home to Fort Wayne for Nick and Malak's wedding. After many, many, many years of togetherness and dating they finally tied the knot. I could not be happier for them.

Kristen and Malak have been best friends for many years and Kristen and Nick have grown to be great friends too. She was very honored to be in and apart of their wedding. My parents and I were also very happy that we could witness this wonderful occasion. I mean just look at how happy I am in this photo (what is up with that cheesy smile?)....a couple glasses of wine may have also had something to do with my ridiculously huge grin too.

The ceremony took place at Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church. The church was beautiful and ornate with a marvelous mural painted on the ceiling. The Priest was exceptional and gave a beautiful sermon that spoke to everyone who was in attendance. The ceremony include many Greek Orthodox traditions that I find so intriguing, such as the crowns and walking around the table three times. Malak's wedding dress was beautiful and all of the bridesmaids wore classy black dresses and carried pink roses. (This was very reminiscent of Erica's wedding.)

The reception took place at the Downtown Hilton Hotel. It was such a fun wedding. Malak and Nick both have very fun families and it was great to see everyone having such a wonderful time. I thought one of the best parts of the wedding was that it was so rich with culture and tradition. The DJ played many ethnic songs to honor Malak's Jordanian heritage and her family was able to teach everyone else the dances that went along with the music. It was a great time.

I decided to forgo the bouquet toss but Kristen decided to participate and caught the bouquet. Apparently my little will be getting married before me.

Now the honeymoon begins and Malak and Nick are off on their European cruise. Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Heiny!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

My How Time Flys....

I am going today at lunch to mail my check for my 10 year high school reunion. It is weird...very weird to be RSVPing to my high school reunion.

In August, SSHS grads from the class of 1998 will join together to catch up and to see who married who, how many kids so and so have and of course how everyone has changed over the last 10 years.

I still can't believe it has been 10 years since I graduated from South Side High School.

This event is making me feel quite old. I don't feel like I have been out of high school for 10 years nor can I believe I have been out of college for 6 years.

Where has the time gone? Part of me would love to morph back into being a seventeen year old high school student. Then my only worries would be getting home by curfew, making sure I did my English homework and getting to volleyball practice on time.

I have mixed feelings about this upcoming gathering. I try to stay in touch with those people I was close to in high school and see them as often as I can. Yet I will be honest, I think it will be fun to see how those people, I haven't see for 10 years, have turned out. Wow....10 years seems like such long time!

"I was thinking about how disjointedly time seemed to flow, passing in a blur at times, with single images standing out more clearly than others. And then, at other times, every second was significant, etched in my mind. " -Stephenie Meyer

Finding Someone To Love The You, That You Love.

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous." -SATC

My friend Josie sent me that quote several weeks ago. I printed it out and placed it on my quote board above my desk. If you didn't notice already from reading through my blog...I love quotes...so I created a little section in my small cube at work, which houses all of my optimistic, positive, motivating, inspirational quotes. Thought I would share this one with you.

The Story of Lucy

I love animals. It is no secret I am a huge animal lover. Always have had a soft spot in my heart for all animals. I even hate to kill ants. In fact I wanted to be a Vet until I realized I would have to put animals to sleep sometimes. I couldn't bear the thought of having to do that....so I decided marketing was a better option.

My love for animals was so great that when I was little I would rescue stray animals and try to find their owners. My parents weren't too excited about my extracurricular activity because they were worried I would get attacked by a rabid dog or something worse. They always worried too much...actually they still do. Thankfully never got attacked. I did however, misconstrue a situation with a yellow lab one time. I thought it was lost so I took it home, called the number on his collar only to find out I took him out of his owners front yard. Oops! Well the owners shouldn't have let him roam around so close to the street without supervision in the first place. I have reunited several lost pets with their owners though, which always makes be feel good. I would hope that if I ever lose one of my pets that someone would do the same for me. Do unto others and Karma you know...

I actually found Lucy one day in March three years ago. I was driving home from the grocery and she ran right in front of my car. I walked around my neighborhood trying to find her owner. With no luck I took her home for the night. The next day I took her to the vet to find out if she had a microchip with her owners information. At this point I had already grown attached to her and was horrified when the Vet Tech came out and said they found a microchip. I asked them to check again, upon doing this they realized that they had been scanning the sample chip that was attached to the scanner. Idiots! With both relief and happiness I left the Vet that day as the new owner of a 3 month old, little, tan and white Sheppard mix puppy I'd call Lucy.

As I have stated before, I am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason. Without a doubt I believe I found Lucy for a reason that gloomy Saturday afternoon. She needed me that day and later I would realize how much I needed her. Almost a year to the day after I found Lucy, is when my world changed completely and my engagement ended. To some a dog may just be a dog but truly I can not tell you how many times she has done something to make me laugh or divert my mind from other worries.

See everything does happen for a reason.

"Dogs are not our whole lives but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

Monday Quote

I wish that life wasnt so difficult, uncertain and hard to understand sometimes, nonetheless, I can't stop believing that everything does happen for a reason... I love this quote.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody ever said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
-Anonymous

Home Sweet Home!

As of 7/15/2008 I have owned my home for three years!!!

Wow...I can't believe I have been a home owner now for three years. I feel like just yesterday I was house hunting for the perfect first house. My poor Realtor, Jim, made the long five month journey with me and in the end he and I looked at about 50 homes before choosing my house.

Owning a home has not come with out some bumps in the road. It was very interesting...when I moved into my house Jim bought me a home warranty for one year (a thank you gift), I never really used it so I didn't renew it. Of course the minute I didn't renew the warranty, I had to replace the furnace/AC unit. And this unit is not your standard model...it is like the super fantastic version.

When shopping for the furnace/AC unit, which by the way I have no clue about, I looked to my then boyfriend Bill for advice and for the first time in my life didn't call my Dad to get his opinion. I thought calling my Dad would hurt Bill's feelings.

Of course Bill said oh we can pay this off with my bonus', no problem. Yea right...he barely helped to pay for the utilities he used every day or birthday gifts for his own family members. Definitely one of my biggest mistakes as now I have a very expensive furnace/AC unit and will continue to make a huge payment each month on it until it is paid off. Why I thought Bill would know anything about furnaces/AC units is beyond me. I guess there were a lot of things I trusted in him that I have found out were complete BS.

Then there was a hail storm and I had to get a new roof....luckily I just had to pay my deductible on that. And then the garage door decided it needed to break its springs and I had to pay to get new ones installed.

Luckily (knock on wood) nothing has gone wrong lately. Hopefully it will stay that way. I am looking forward to doing some painting soon in both my bedroom and my guest bedroom. Fixing up the house is so fun...just wish I had more of a disposable income to buy new stuff all the time!

I have never regretted buying my house and I cherish the fact that I was able to buy it all on my own.

I will upload photos soon of all the changes I have made.

"Home is the resort of live, of joy, of peace, and plenty; where supporting and supported, polished friends and dear relations mingle into bliss." - James Thomson

It's Just Another Manic Monday...

I started off the morning hitting my snooze button at least three times. Which is unfortunately not a good way to start off the week. Needless to say, I hate Mondays...never been a favorite day for me. Some how I was able to get ready and out the door in record time. So with positive attitude for a new day in tow I left to begin another work week.

As I was driving to work and flipping through radio stations I started listening to Radio Now and the topic of cheating came up. More specifically and interestingly the topic of text messaging and cheating came up. They were taking calls from people who had experienced this type of frustrating and upsetting experience. Amazingly many, many people have caught their significant other cheating by reading their text messages.

So I called in....why not, I think I have an interesting story and would love to add my two cents about the subject.

I actually got through, told the producer my story and they put me on the air...This was my first call into a radio station, I normally don't think there is a reason to call in as I think who would want to hear my opinion. But this time I had a personal connection to the topic. It took everything I had not to call Bill out (complete name and cell phone number) to all who were listening in the Indpls area but I decided that I just cant be that mean.

I told my, now months and months, old story about the demise of my relationship and how it all came to an end because I too found text messages and compromising photos on Bill's cell phone which lead to the confession of cheating. Even though I am sure he didn't hear it and probably no one I know was listening...it still felt good just to get that last "Screw You Bill" out. I have also decided that I will no longer spend .1% of my time, memory, etc. on talking about what happened with him or how much I both loved and hated him. Relationships are so complex...never quite able to completely understand them.

What I do understand now 8 months later is without a doubt, I know now that my personality, life and happiness were all spared thanks to Bill. Never thought I would see this day and really mean whole-heartily that I am glad Bill wasn't the one for me. That only means that that someone is still out there, which is both promising and exciting.

"Success is a piece of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best which you are capable." - John Wooden

Perfect Day Off

This year Finish Line decided to implement Summer Flex Time. I have been in the Marketing Dept at Finish Line for almost 5 years and I must admit I never thought this day would come. It is fantastic! Every other Friday through August we get the day off. Now this perk does not come without some extra work on weeks where you have the Friday off....meaning working longer days Monday through Thursday...but getting a Friday completely off out weighs the extra hours on those days.

My day has already been great as I was able to sleep in until a double digit number on my alarm clock....Love sleeping in.

It is sunny, warm and perfect outside. I am going to the pool to layout and catch up on my Glamour and Cosmo....I am having flashbacks of how much I loved summer when I actually had a summer vacation. I should have been a teacher. Too bad there arent any hot cabana boys serving daquris at the pool that would then be an even better excursion.

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." - Thornton Wilder

My Parents 31st Wedding Anniversary

Today marks my wonderful parents, Peter and Susan's 31st wedding anniversary.

This photo was taken on their wedding day. Aren't they so cute!

Wow....I can't believe they have been married for 31 years. To me their long lasting marriage it is a testament to the idea that when you do find the right person, it is possible to take that leap of faith.... to fully trust another person with your heart and to know that that special person will always be there for you, supporting you, loving you and growing together with you through all of life's ups and downs.

It is their love and commitment and makes me optimistic that some day I too will be as happy as they are and celebrating my 31st wedding anniversary with someone that thinks I am the most amazing person in the world.

"May you always be blessed with walls for the wind, a roof for the rain, a warm cup of tea by the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all that your heart might desire." -Irish Blessing