Ironic

It is quite ironic that I received the quote that I did today. Let me back up to explain, I get a new quote emailed to me each day and more times then not I get a meaningful quote that is worth saving.

Well today I got a quote that honestly fits my current state of mind perfectly. It is almost eerie how perfect this quote is. The quote is as follows: "When we are no longer able to change a situation — we are challenged to change ourselves. " — Victor E. Frankl

I have realized that even though I wish I was able to change a current situation with a person in my life right now there is no way on god's green earth that I can do so at this time. (Note: to clarify this person I am eluding to is not Bill...very much over him, thank you very much)

Everything happens for a reason, yes I have heard this so many times in the last year that it is ingrained permanently into my brain. But what frustrates me (and this goes back to the one door closes, another opens idea) is the time it takes to fully understand why a situation didn't work out as I thought it should.

But you know what...as wonderful and great as I think he is...I find myself having no option but to give in on trying to change the situation. Just because I think there is an obvious and amazing connection between the two of us...doesn't mean he sees or maybe even feels it himself (I don't know how he couldn't). I am just removing myself from it so that I no longer get upset about not being able to change the situation or better yet even understand the situation.

Its truly a never ending circle and I am done running that route. So this is me challenging myself to change and no longer will I put forth effort and energy into a person who I have come to realize has not a clue about what he wants. And that is hard for me to understand as I do know what I want. Currently I have no clue how I am supposed to fit into his world so changing myself and not the situation is the only answer. Due to lack of information, I have no choice but to assume friendship is the only option right now. So be it... If friendship is all that is possible then that is what it will be. I can never say I wasn't open and completely honest with him. And not to be pompous, but really it is definitely his loss. Hoping he will figure out what he wants at some point....only time will tell. (And by the way I hate time and unfortunately I am not the most patient person in the world)

Due to my very unpleasant mood right now for various reasons I feel like treating myself. In fact I have not had lunch yet so instead of eating a Lean Cuisine like I should, I am going to go eat something that has pretty much no nutritional value and is high in calories.

I am going to the dreaded McDonald's and I'm going because it will make me feel better, if only for a short time. I am sure I will regret eating the greasy and unhealthy but delicious food later on today, but right now I don't care. If I hadn't shared this before I am an Emotional Eater...some people smoke, some people drink, some people shop (well I do that too sometimes) but not me...I eat when I am emotional. (which explains the recent weight gain over the past year. oh yeah...thanks Bill, that I am now working my ass off to get rid of). Actually I wish I worked out when I was emotional, that may be another change I will be making....OK I digress.

Sorry for the mid-afternoon ranting and raving....I feel a little better now. Thanks for listening.