Perplexed Mood

I'm in a bad mood today, well a better word would be perplexed... I'm in a perplexed mood, and it is only 9am. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or maybe it is because it is Wednesday (Wednesday being my least favorite day and all). Or maybe it is entirely because I feel stuck in my life right now...been at the same job for almost 5 years, lived in the same house for over 3 years....lived in Indiana all of my life and I don't know where I want to go from here. I just don't know.

What I do know is that I am not feeling work today...at all. Would much rather be laying out at the pool reading the newest People or Cosmo. You know... I don't know that I am feeling anything right now....which is absolutely not me. I am usually a ball of happiness, positive, energetic and upbeat... normally my emotional/in touch with my feelings side shines brightly through, ok lets be honest its not really a "side" but pretty much it encompasses the person I am...but right now I am just feeling very blah...and unsure.

I hate feeling unsure....leaves so many areas of my life unguarded and exposed to change. So I guess really change is what freaks me out...I have come a long way in regard to accepting change. The real break through was when I was a freshmen at IU...my whole life changed and nothing I did could prevent those changes from happening, they were the growing up changes that now I am so thankful for, cant be a kid and live at home forever, right? I still remember a card that Leah gave to me...it spelled out the word Change with a positive adjective for each letter of the word Change. I still have the card. Since then I have welcomed change much more but that doesn't mean it still doesn't freak me out a little.

Or maybe it is because things have not changed enough in my life recently that I am starting to get restless with the same stuff and not enough new experiences. I think too that I keep repeating some of the same mistakes in different areas of my life. When a red flag appears, I should try my freaking hardest to move the opposite way...to not to go back to making the same mistakes I made before. I guess it is much easier to go with what you know then to take the road less traveled.

I am just ready for a new chapter in my life (or several for that matter), actually a whole new novel would be just as welcomed. I need some serious changes in my life... I think I need a new job with a new purpose and definitely making more money...a new workout routine, better yet anyone out there want to be my trainer, I told Erica I would run the Mini with her this year...a new relationship with someone fantastic who brings out the best in me but also equally gives to the relationship(See Speaking of What I Want blog entry for more on this subject)....maybe a vacation somewhere I've never been, a new culture, Greece anyone...an afternoon spent catching up on new happenings with an old friend... Oh and a new over-stuffed chair with an ottoman...would look perfect in my living room.

But really...I feel like I am in a rut and I want to get out. No more doing the same things day in and day out. I am young, single (at the moment) and looking for all the things life has to offer.
My goal: to be happy, enjoy my family and friends, to love without regrets and to live my life to the fullist because I never want to look back or question or have regrets about the time I spent here on earth.

"Desire is the key to motivation, but its the determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek." -Mario Andretti